if friends were flowers...

The saying goes, "If friends were flowers, I'd pick you."

I'd like to shake this saying up a bit.

I say, If friends were flowers, there would be annuals and there would be perennials. I think there would be those that are there for a single season, offering beauty and growth for a temporary time, and there would be those who root themselves in such a way that they cannot be removed.

I remember one of my first flower trips to Lowe's with my mother, as she taught me about annuals and perennials. You see, I had filled my cart with the most colorful, extravagant flowers... dreaming of how perfect they would look in my first garden. Only to find out that I had picked flowers that would only last the spring, and would never return again. I picked out annuals. I was initially frustrated by this, having spent time picking out colors that coordinated and heights that complimented. But soon realized that she saved me from the disappointment of my investment going into something entirely temporary.

I went back to the aisles, hunting down perennials. I had originally wanted to fill my garden with the most beautiful, unique plants. But now I wanted to fill my garden with plants that would stick around and surprise me by showing up as little buds, ready for a new show, after a long New Hampshire winter. So I kept a few annuals - recognizing that though they would only be there for a season, they would still be there for that season nonetheless. But the rest of my cart was filled with veronicas, asters, and peonies.

And thus blossomed my first garden.

Annuals are so important. They give and receive for a season. Their presence is crucial. Their gift is undeniably one of a kind. The memories and photos of them can and will always be treasured.

But perennials come back. No matter how barren the winter, how infrequent the rain, how scorching the sun. Perennials still show up, over and over again. Even when you don't want them. Even when you can't see them. They will always be there. They will always show up.

Therefore, if friends were flowers... there would be annuals. and there would be perennials.

ronnie

Paleo disApproved

Did you know that if you are on the caveman diet, you can’t eat the chicken at Chipotle because of the oil it’s cooked in? I didn’t. Until a friend pointed it out to me. And from that moment on, I knew Paleo wasn’t for me.

Why?

Because I envisioned myself standing in line at Chipotle saying, “Which of your meats ISN’T cooked in SOYBEAN OIL?” And I knew that that was not me. Can you imagine if there was someone from a third world country behind me in line as I said that??? Someone who would do anything for any kind of protein??? I would be MORTIFIED, embarrassed, and honestly, I would no longer be Paleo.

Not because it’s too hard or too healthy…but because it’s too consuming. I refuse to dedicate my energy, time, or thought to anything that is sure to become an unhealthy obsession in my life. And the way that the Paleo diet requires one to be paranoid about what type of dressing goes on their salad indicates the potential for an unhealthy obsession.

It’s kind of ironic actually, that in the pursuit of healthy, it can be so easy to slip into “unhealthy”. I’m not suggesting that Paleo is physically unhealthy, but perhaps in some ways, mentally unhealthy. And that goes for all of these never-ending diet fads. GF, vegan, pescetarian, etc. When is enough, enough?

Anything that consumes THAT much of your attention can easily become an idol your life. I don’t want that for myself. And I certainly don’t want that for you. Your goal in life should be balance. Not strict obedience to a privileged lifestyle eating plan. 

So be careful. Don't glorify things that are so fleeting in this life. Strive towards a healthy perspective within everything. Leave room for grace.

My blog name is FREELY RONNIE, because I choose to live freely. That might mean Chipotle chicken today, a donut tomorrow because I'm halfway through the week, and a couple extra pounds here or there. But I’m free. And no diet or number on the scale beats that.

ronnie

Lana Del Rey Concert For Dummies

Before I left Colorado, I attended my dream concert - Lana Del Rey at the Red Rocks Amphitheater. 

But this is what I wish someone would have told me before I went. 

Welcome to the Lana Del Rey concert! Here you’ll be sure to find three things: Flower crowns, butt cheeks, and a plethora of second hand smoke.  But don’t worry. You’ll find that everyone here is clearly here for the music.

In order to make sure you get good seats, you’re going to have to wait in line in the blazing Colorado sun for approximately 6 hours, surrounded by drag queens with very strong language and teenage girls who will vocalize their behind-the-back disgust with friends and families. But it’s worth it… right? Because we are all here for the music.

Once your ass starts to bruise from sitting on concrete for half a day, you know its gate opening time! Don’t be startled when you see 200 people from the back of the line stampeding towards you in an attempt to trample you down to the ground – they’re doing it for the music. But as long as you can sprint up the 10 flights of stairs faster than the 13yr olds with no college fat, you’ll probably get a decent seat. Then you can sit for a few moments, order a nice alcoholic beverage, and weep over the fact that the wait is over and you. Got. A. Good. Seat.

But don’t get too comfortable. Once the opening act is over, make sure you grab all of your belongings as fast as humanly possible because a swarm of high schoolers that just arrived is going to run into your row and block any possible view of the stage you might have earned. Then there will be cat fights, words you’ve never heard before, and you might cry. It’s because everyone is there for the music.

LANA DEL REY BEGINNSSS!! You might find a centimeter of a window to see the stage if you stand on your tippys. At this point, everything will have all been worth it. But between the wafts of weed and your amazement at the beautiful music, don’t be surprised when find yourself thinking, “How the hell could these people be here for the music?"

Lana del Rey’s music is real. These people are fake.

Music brings people together. These people would rather 'bitch you out' than share the view.

Music is naturally moving. These people smoke weed for a “deeper” experience.

Music empowers. These people treat you like you aren’t human.

Music celebrates talent and creativity. These people celebrate ass-crack-cut levi’s, dictionaries of profanity, and the fact that they robbed you of the experience you waited 8 hours for.

Let us reconsider the intentions with which we partake in society’s culture because this is really not ok.

Let us seek perspective in all situations - recognizing that what we sow is what we will reap.

Let us remember that human beings hold unparalleled value.

& Friends... for the sake of all things good, LET US BE KIND.

ronnie

a real spring clean

.

Yes, closets need it. Cars are begging for it. Donation centers beckon over-worn clothes . Whatever you left under your bed is waiting to be re-discovered. Yes, spring cleaning is necessary. But I'm here to say... procrastinate. Just a little bit. No need to be ahead of yourself or everyone else all the time. 

Spring cleaning is needed elsewhere.

In the winter I'm like a squirrel. I hoard things, collect emotions, hide it under a cozy sweater and too many marshmallows. But then Spring comes, and it speaks to me as brittle old branches show signs of new life. Out with the old, in with the new. 

I think it's about time for fresh air to flood into your lungs and for the dark corners of your heart to be cleaned out and filled with new light. 

As the warmer days call you to step outdoors, shake the dust off of your arms, and reach for new life. Seek healing, growth, and wisdom. Pursue new dreams. Figure out what you need to let go of. 

Getting rid of the old and breathing in the new feels. so. good.

I assure you, your soul is more important than your overcrowded closet. 

Need a kick-start? Justin Vernon is magic. Push play. Listen. Breathe.

SKINNY sells

8:30 AM. Tuesday morning. Hair in bun. Nanny sweatpants on. "Holy moly I need coffee". Pull into Starbucks. Drive through line a mile long. Park car. Walk in. Another line, of course. Hot mama with yoga pants that draw even my attention orders. "Grande Skinny vanilla latte, soy milk please". Sweet Middle-aged woman who smiled at me when I walked in with some gray roots showing and an oversized mickey mouse shirt orders. "Grande vanilla latte....*pause of uncertainty*.... make it skinny please".  I step up to bat. "Grande vanilla latte, make it nice and fat PLEASE."

Ok. I didn't really say that, but that's what I was thinking, very loudly. I mean here are these two women ahead of me, with the opportunity to publicly declare, "I. CHOOSE. SKINNY." Of course the first one jumps on it. Nobody wears yoga pants that ride up the booty that much and doesn't pounce on any chance to declare skinny. I'm not sure why the middle-aged woman chose skinny. Perhaps she likes sugar-free syrup, low-fat milk, and no whipped cream (...really?). Maybe she was dieting. Or perhaps she liked the way it sounded and loved the way it looked on the hot mama in front of her. When it was my turn, as much as I wanted the un-skinny (fat?) version of my favorite drink, I felt so completely embarrassed to order it. I mean if one is "skinny" then isn't the opposite "fat"? I didn't want to order a FAT drink! The word 'Skinny' twists minds and it sells, big time. Not convinced? Read on.

SkinnyPop Popcorn

Skinnygirl Cocktails

Skinnytaste.com

Skinny Fiber

Skinny Cow

Skinny Crisps

Skinny Crackers

SkinnyBitch.net

Skinny Bitch: Ultimate Everyday Cookbook

The Skinny Confidential Blog

(rated most popular healthy and fitness blog in the world)

& don't forget her book!

The Skinny Confidential: A Babe's Sexy, Sassy Health and Lifestyle Guide

"The Real Deets on How to Live a Skinny, Happy, Sexy Life"

(my ultimate goal in life...)

Skinny Slow Cooker: Better Homes and Gardens

The Skinny Slow Cooker Recipe Book

Skinny Ms.

Eat Yourself Skinny! - Dr. Oz Show

skinnymeg.com

SkinnyChickBlog.com

SkinnyGossip.com

(ok...REALLY???)

Or my personal favorite.....

Hi. I'm Skinny. (sticks).

SKINNY SELLS. Clearly. Or it wouldn't be everywhere. I challenge you to go to a grocery store, book store, or any store for that matter (besides Lowe's), and try to NOT see the word skinny, in the largest font, on a product. I mean, are you reading my blog post right now because you are truly interested in what I have to say or because the word "skinny" caught your eye? SEX sells. "FREE" sells. Now, SKINNY sells. 

So where am I going with this? The funny thing about each of these websites, books, food products, blogs... is that they all claim to strive towards the betterment of women. Improve female wellness. 

Yet the very use of the word "skinny" is a manipulative, marketing tactic that is feeding our cultural epidemic of the objectification of women. 

No need to go deeper into that because I'm sure you have all heard enough about media & the women. But it's a real deal. And making women think that they need to CHOOSE SKINNY is messed up. 

I say choose healthy. Choose knowledge. Choose strength. Choose wit. Choose perseverance. Choose determination. Choose to be the best YOU that you can be (and I assure you, that does not include being skinny or buying a box of crackers with the word skinny on it.)

Be careful what you purchase. Be careful not to give into the lie.

And order your dang-tootin' fat latte and enjoy. every. sip.

ronnie

cotton candy sky

Finally. A day to breathe. A break from work, a break from school, a break from striving. 

I spent the day building my Disney VHS collection (yep, you read that right), hiking, picnicking, getting my first little sunburn of the season, playing UNO, and eating stuffed shells with friends.

Thankful for such a special and needed gift.

& all concluded with a kiss goodnight from a cotton candy sunset.

make time to breathe.

xo ronnie

dark corners | anxiety

When I was a little girl I used to hide in my closet. Half the time I was tapping the walls looking for secret passageways, but the other half of the time I think I was just enjoying the comfort of hiding. The peacefulness of knowing that I'm tucked away from the world. The calm of feeling safe.

Then I grew up. I don't really know when that happened, but sometimes, when I'm not coloring in my Toy Story coloring book, I'm pretty sure it did. I learned a lot of information, felt a lot of things, and heard a lot of stories. Somewhere along that journey, my every concept of safety was breached. I was no longer untouchable. Unthinkable things don't just happen to people on the other side of the TV screen. They happen to my friends. My family. Me. & Somewhere along that journey I learned that hiding in closets is no longer appropriate for... (i hate this word)... adults.

So I guess I just tucked all the fears away somewhere inside of me. Then I started having nightmares. Having trouble going places at night. Having trouble getting in my car, thinking someone was in the back seat. Then this led to having trouble watching movies with any suspense. Having trouble falling asleep without melatonin or nyquil. Having trouble going or being anywhere alone. Then this led to having trouble breathing at 2am as I woke up from consecutive night terrors. Having trouble convincing myself the difference between reality and my perfectly thought out, visualized, memorized, fears.

Now I'm here. Still dabbling with many of those issues. Still embarrassed by the fact that I, the middle child who always has it all together, sometimes can't distinguish reality from a dream. But I'll tell you what I've done. I dragged my past, my crap, my fears, my anxiety out of the dark corners of the closet and breached its comfort right back by putting in the light. I told a friend. I told my parents. My boyfriend. I'm telling you. Because my blog isn't necessarily about positivity or outfits or recipes or crafts. It's about freedom. & this is me, pursuing it.

Read that. Then read it again. We are loved, at our darkest. No matter where we are, what we are going through, what closet we are hiding in.... God says... I loved you.... I love you... at your darkest.

xo ronnie

:: COMMENTS ARE NOW FIXED! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE :] ::

shut up | you have a new chance

Every new year, there's new resolutions. After, of course, the rants of all the great things that happened to people last year or how all the old year deserves is a "good ridance" because of all the unfortunate happenings. Then come the new goals. Gain more followers. Take a picture of myself every day. Work out 3x a week (this was me last year...I failed). Blog xyz amount of times a week (Also failed). Eat this. Stop that. Learn how to do everything in the world I could possibly dream of while healing all my wounds, running 5k a day, and baking vegan, gluten & aluminum free pancakes for my hot hubby. #blessed

shut up. 

Sorry if that was rude but seriously. Just stop for a second. Just stop and brush off all of the pressures of our culture to have certain goals.  Look a certain way. Do certain things. Allow yourself to stop. Allow yourself to step away from all the voices trying to convince you of things... sell you certain ideas... and brainwash you into thinking you are never enough. Now... are you ready for this??

it's not about you.

Ok. That sounded rude too. But think about it. It's actually a huge relief. In a society with so much constant pressure all focussing on our outward images and what talents or skills we have to offer.... we don't have to give it any of our concern. Because in the end... it is not about us. 

Now I'm not discouraging growth or reaching goals or learning new things. I'm just discouraging this as the center of our attention...as our main goal...as the measuring stick of our worth. 

We live in a world where little children are living in homeless shelters (aka. rape houses), shivering themselves to sleep wondering if their baby siblings are warm enough and if their mommy's will bring home something for them to eat in the morning. Our world has 20.9 million victims of sex trafficking. And anorexia is the third most chronic illness among adolescents. So my question to you is 

what are you doing with your freedom? 

what do you do when given the ultimate blessing of a new year, a new chance?

This life is really not about us. We are blessed with the opportunity to be on this earth now...when there is so much brokenness and so many needs. This life is about serving and blessing others. Our world needs love. It needs positivity. It needs peace, understanding, and kindness.

I urge you to consider this as you decide what it is you want to set your mind to when given a new chance. What do you really want to invest in this new year? What is your ultimate goal?

xo ronnie

innermost

Lately my innermost thoughts have been about 

joy | my need to practice it. 

emptiness | who I really desire to fill it

sacrifice | the exhaustion of learning it the hard way

ronnie

air in my lungs

Have you ever had an idea that makes your mind start running a bajillion brain sprints a second and makes your stomach feel all tense and happy like when you see the waiter coming with your food? Yeah, those kinds of ideas. They're the best. No... they're the worst. Maybe both. Well. I got one.

My heart goes out to all of my fellow creatives out there. I don't know about you... but creative droughts seriously suck the life out of me. They make me feel so useless and unproductive because I can't do what I feel I'm made to do... create. imagine. pursue. However, I'm convinced that the way to beat it is to go back to that place where you feel safe to explore your thoughts. Or hit repeat on the playlist that gives you those odd feelings of nostalgia. Sit and watch a sunset. Read something. Literally force yourself to step away from the world and into your zone. Once you do, it feels like you can breathe again. It's weird but true. I've been exploring Colorado a bit lately with Jake. It did the trick for me. So find your zone. And maybe you'll get once of those terribly awesome ideas too. 

ronnie

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rocky mountain dwelling

Colorado Springs, Colorado. The snow has begun to fall on the mountains. Every morning I wake up and stare. I allow the serenity and the humility that the strong and constant Rockies give envelop me, often to a point that makes everything seem surreal. I have to remind myself, I am here. I live here. I have a place here. I can make a difference here.

I took a leave of absence from my blogging world. On my journeys I have had time to get my life together, organize my thoughts, and search my heart. It wasn’t until my arrival in Colorado that I realized that blogging is the Rocky Mountains to me - intimidating, overwhelming, and a reminder of how small I am in such a big, big world. Then I put things into perspective and thought of how our government shut down and how there are millions of girls across the world being sold for sex and how there are so many lost and broken people in every town I’ve ever driven past and how so many people die of starvation every day and I almost can’t breathe. We live in a world full of huge, damn Rockies.

But then I recognized that the very same vastness of the mountains that makes them terrifying is the same vastness that gives them unspeakable beauty.

Though we live in a frightening world with many people who are more powerful, more visible than us, and though every morning we wake up and may feel so small that we are practically invisible, wouldn’t you agree that the gentle voice of one is often more moving than the overbearing shouts of many? Just because you can’t change everything, doesn’t mean you can’t change something. Sometimes you just have to step back, take it all in, and remind yourself, I am here. I have a place here. I can make a difference here.

glad to be back.
ronnie